Needing ideas for Christmas Presents for People You Don't Like? Nine times out of ten, Christmas gifting is wholesome and thoughtful. This article is for the tenth time.
Sometimes you need a present that looks like you’ve made an effort, but still carries the gentle energy of “let’s not pretend we’re best friends”.
If you’re playing Secret Santa with a colleague who stresses you out, or buying something cheap for someone you feel obligated to include, these real Amazon gifts strike the perfect balance of funny, rude and brilliantly unhelpful.
Here are ten of the best.
Wanky Candle – Asshole Repellent
A candle with a name that really speaks from the heart.
It looks like a standard novelty candle, but the label does all the heavy lifting.
Perfect for anyone whose personality could genuinely benefit from being “repelled” on a temporary basis.
World’s Okayest Person Journal
Ideal for the person who insists they’re “not like everyone else” but absolutely is.
This notebook celebrates glorious mediocrity in a way no scented gift set ever could.
Great for colleagues, siblings, or anyone who proudly does the bare minimum.
Impuzzibles Natural Grass 1000-Piece Jigsaw
One thousand identical pieces of grass.
Nothing but grass.
This puzzle is pain in cardboard form.
Give it to someone who claims they love a challenge and watch their confidence crumble by Boxing Day.
Tasties 70-Biscuit Assortment Box
A big box of biscuits that is neither impressive nor offensive.
It is the gifting equivalent of shrugging politely.
Exactly right for people you have to buy for, but would struggle to describe in three words.
2026 Pissed-Off Cats Calendar
Twelve months of cats who look like they would report you to HR.
A perfect desk accessory for anyone who sighs before speaking or treats meetings like a personal attack.
Engraved Wooden Spoon – “You Get Fk All for a Fiver”
This one is honest, affordable and gloriously petty.
The engraved message is exactly what you want to say when Secret Santa has a £5 limit and your patience is already low.
Still technically useful, which makes it even funnier.
Prank Rude Joke Tablets (Jelly Bean Sweets)
A fake pill bottle filled with sweets, packaged as though it’s a prescription for unbearable people.
Perfect for those who take themselves far too seriously.
It’s harmless, low cost and guaranteed to get a reaction.
Pictures of Dirty Toilets Book
A book entirely dedicated to grim toilets.
That’s it. That’s the whole concept.
It is so pointless that it becomes the perfect gift for someone you don’t really understand but feel socially obligated to include.
Fun Finger Mug
A mug that delivers your message for you every single morning.
Subtle enough to pass as humour, bold enough to communicate all your emotional boundaries in one ceramic gesture.
Lifesize Cow Cardboard Cutout
A completely unnecessary, full-height cardboard cow.
This is the ultimate wildcard gift for someone who has everything except floor space.
A brilliant mix of chaos, confusion and inconvenience.
If you’re tired of buying overly thoughtful presents for people who haven’t earned them, these options give you the perfect escape route. Funny, cheap, mildly insulting and absolutely unforgettable.
